Guilt

Guilt has to be one of the more useless emotions in the Christian life.  On the one hand, it is necessary to recognize the guilt of sin in our lives in order to repent, or turn away, from it.  However, once we confess our sins before God and accept the impuned righteousness from Christ, we are no longer guilty of sin.  When we do not sin and still feel guilty--either for past sins or for honest mistakes--then our guilt is useless and crippling.

This morning, I woke up to a strong sense of guilt.  I felt terrible for telling a new aquaintance 'no'.  It's silly, really.  I had been asked to do something that I was unable to do, and so I declined.  I do this fairly often, actually.  I have to, or I'd have more work than I can manage.  Why did it bother me to say no, this time?  Perhaps it was because when I declined, the person on the other end of the phone line went silent.  I don't know why; for all I know, she may have been deep in thought.  I do know that in the space of the few seconds it took for her to reply, I had projected a lot of my own 'stuff' into that space of time.  She doesn't believe me.  She's disappointed.  She won't ask me again.

When I awoke and recognized my misplaced guilt, I began to pray. 

 Lord, sometimes people don't like to hear 'no.'  I don't know if this person is one of them, but I don't want to bear this burden.  It's not right.  I give it to you.  Please forgive me for worrying about what this person thinks.

Amen.

It took a while to feel better, I noticed.  Prayer is soothing, but it's not magic; we have to believe in the One we pray to, and we have to fully surrender our own feelings to the Lord.  I meditated on Scripture, just so I would remember not to attempt to take back the burden I'd given to God.  Proverbs 29:25 came to mind immediately:  "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe." 

As I pondered the state of my unsettled mind, I noticed something interesting.  The times in my life when I have been tempted to worry about the good opinion of others have been times when I've been exhausted.  In years past, I would overextend myself and get into trouble.  I noticed the tell-tale sign that I am doing it again:  I am exhausted.  A friend reminded me that I should rely more on my older sons.  They are capable of doing more.  To that end, Jacob did laundry yesterday.  I am terribly guilty (there's that word again) of taking on tasks that don't belong to me for the sake of peace and good will from others.  The good news is, God reminded me of Matthew 11:28-30:  "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  The Christian walk is one of peace and rest, if I am not walking in that truth, then I have taken on burdens that don't belong to me.  Once this truth settled in, I finally felt the weight lift from my shoulders.  I had the opportunity to say no twice this afternoon, and it didn't bother me a bit. 

Many blessings,

Jennifer

"Tiger Mother" vs. No Mother: Nobody Wins

Debate rages over the type of parent that a mother should be.  Amy Chua recently released a book called Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (which I have not read, so do not endorse), in which she discusses her experience as a "Tiger Mother", or a strict parent in the manner of her Chinese heritage.  Ms. Chua is fervent in her belief that Chinese parenting is superior to Western parenting; that the standards of Chinese mothers influence their children to be exemplary in their conduct and achievements.  On the other hand, another type of parenting is being lauded:  Absent parenting.  Rahna Reiko Rizzuto writes that an epiphany ten years ago led her to end her twenty year marriage and to not pursue full custody of her two sons.  Ms. Rizzuto feels that her relationship with her children has improved through her leaving them.  Wow.  Ms. Rizzuto is a writing teacher at a college in Vermont.  Ms. Chua is a professor at Yale Law School and an author of several books.  In other words, both women are influencing the lives of young people.  On top of which, they are being paid by parents of all stripes to do so.

Neither woman seems concerned about the spiritual development of her children. For Ms. Chua, success is being good at what you do.  Her children are being "raised Jewish", though I am not sure how she defines this.  As for Ms. Rizzuto, she doesn't mention this aspect of her children's lives.  She's busy being enlightened about not wanting to parent her boys. 

Proverbs 22:6 says:  "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."  Verse 4 of this same passage says, "Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life."  Throughout Scripture, parents are commanded to teach our children about God and His precepts.  Deuteronomy 6-7 says:  "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." It's pretty hard to talk with a child about the precepts of Scripture on a regular basis when you are either absent from his life or when you are pushing her to practice violin for three hours a day. 

In the same article posted on yahoo which features Ms. Rizzuto, another absent mother is introduced.  Her name is Talyaa Liera, and she discusses moving 3, 000 miles away from her children in order to allow them to "reach their full potential."  Ms. Liera is a 'spiritual advisor' for a group known as Polaris Rising.  When I visited the site for Polaris Rising, I discovered that Ms. Liera is a medium for the occult.  She dispenses her so-called spiritual advice through the means known as 'channeling.'  Channeling is the New Age term for allowing a spirit to physically enter one's body and to allow that spirit to speak.  Polaris Rising is a collective of people who are following the spiritual entity known as "Michael", who claims to have wisdom that will benefit mankind.  The website states that "Michael" is "comprised of 1,000 souls who have crossed over" and that it guides people into more joyful living, and has done so since Egyptian times.  One of the core teachings of this "Michael" is "all choices are equally valid".  What a load of baloney.  Is the choice to torture and murder another person equally valid to the choice of Mother Teresa to devote her life to ministry to the poor in India?  NO!  Of course it's not!  I can see, however, that if you want to justify your desire to abandon your children, then the only way to do so is to follow a demonic teaching which tells you that all the choices you make are valid.  Just to be clear, valid means well grounded or logical. One may call a choice valid; indeed, but the consequences of that choice make all the difference and have long lasting effects in the lives of others around us.

It seems to me that parenting is about sacrifice.  It is about teaching your child that their life has purpose and meaning, and that life is not about pouring all of your effort and energy into yourself for the sake of pleasing only yourself.  It is about bringing glory to the Creator of the Universe, who is interested in our lives and invested in them so much that He sent His Son to die for us.  God's Word has a lot to say about parenting.  God tells us to teach a child and not exasperate him (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21).  He also admonishes us to work hard at everything that we do, with all of our hearts, as though we are working for the Lord (Colossians 3:23).  To me, I am to work at being a mother, just as though the Lord is my supervisor (because He is!). 

For what it's worth, I think that all three of these ladies have missed the point of mothering:  To love our children as ourselves.  The world may debate which type of mother is best, but I will look to God's Word as my guide in this department. 

Many blessings,

Jennifer

Courtesy Isn't Really That Common

About two years ago, my friend, Jorie, turned me onto doing research focus groups.  She gave me the names of two research focus groups in Dallas that pay people cash to give their opinions on products and services.  Since that time, I've had the opportunity to participate in several groups, mostly for foods and beverages.  This morning, I participated in a group that was focused on the topic of juice.  A major juice brand is launching a new ad campaign, and the group was comprised of moms like myself who are conscientious about the foods and drinks that we serve our kids.  We watched a series of unfinished ads and then we were asked to give our opinions about the ads that we'd just seen.  I think this kind of thing is interesting, because it gives me insight into the ways that companies market their products to consumers.  I like the psychology of it all.  Plus, the cash don't hurt!

Anyway, I left the focus group and headed back home.  Since I was flush with cash, I decided to treat myself to lunch (Brian was in a meeting and couldn't have lunch with me.  <Sad face.>).  I went to a bakery/cafe near to one of the megachurches in the area where the ladies do lunch after Bible study.  There were also a few ladies on their lunch break getting their food to go, but you can probably get a sense of the kind of place I'm talking about.  I was standing in line with a group of mature gals who were trying to decide what to get.  Apparently, I had inadvertently gotten in line in the middle of the group.  They leaned around me to speak to one another about the menu.  Eventually, the ladies in front of me made their decision and one of the ladies who was using a walker went to sit down.  Her friends knew what she wanted and were buying her lunch.  It was a very nice gesture.  As she turned away from her friends to leave the line, I stepped aside to let her pass and smiled at her.  The expression on her face could only be described as sour.  When I smiled, she looked at me as though I was something unpleasant she'd found on the bottom of her shoe.  Now, I've been told that I have a nice smile.  (It should be, as I've worn braces twice now, and still sleep in a retainer!)  I was dressed nicely--casually, but nicely.  I had curled my hair and done my makeup.  I was clean and in no way offensive in my deportment, so I figured that her expression is probably her usual one:  Sour. 

As I thought about this incident on the way home, I was struck by the general discourtesy that I'd seen by the lunching ladies.  I think that someone said "Excuse me," only once in the time that I was there.  This, despite the fact that ladies leaned around me and in the tight quarters of the restaurant, people were squeezing past me quite a lot.  The joy of Jesus just didn't seem to be evident in this place.  The ladies in the cafe were dressed very nicely and had there hair done and makeup on.  They looked nice outwardly, but the Bible places a higher premium on our inner beauty:  "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."  (1 Peter 3:4-5)

I am not unlike most people in that I try to get a sense of who a person is by the way that they look.  It's not completely futile to do so, either.  We can learn a few things from the outside of a person, but only a few.  I think that the fastest way to reveal a sense of joy and the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is by our courtesy to others.  Smiling at others and acknowledging their presence is a nice way to extend courtesy to those around you.  Standing in the midst of the Bible study hangout, I was kind of embarrassed.  I don't want to be lumped together with Christians who look nice but act coldly.  I try to be polite to everyone.  I may fail sometimes, but I sure try.  I may not always have something to say, but a smile goes a long way toward being friendly.

I am sure that the lady with a sour expression is a wonderful saint.  She may have lots of wisdom to share with others.  Perhaps if she had smiled more today, she might have left me with a different impression of her.  The same goes for others in that cafe.  For myself, I am reminded that I only get one chance to make a good first impression.  I need to remember to be courteous and kind to others.  You just never know who is watching.

Many blessings,

Jennifer

Casting Your Bread Upon the Waters

"Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again.  Give portions to seven, yes to eight, for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land."  Ecclesiastes 11:1-2

King Solomon was the inspired writer of the words above.  Surely a man who knew so little of poverty and of want must have been inspired to write those words, because they are so full of wisdom.  Brian and I abide by a philosophy that we call "casting your bread upon the waters."  I studied this passage of scripture many years ago when I was teaching a ladies' Bible study group.  I asked the students to picture standing beside a flowing stream and leaning down to place a large loaf of bread into a basket.  Then, I had them imagine placing that basket into the stream and watching it float downstream from them.  As the bread journeys along the stream, it is picked up by a person standing further along the water's edge, who pulls it out and takes it home with them.  If we all placed something into the stream, then when we find ourselves in need,  we'll be taken care of.  This has been revealed over and over again in our lives.  We would give unselfishly, and would receive whatever we needed at the right time.

Previously, I wrote about battling discouragement.  Last week, I really struggled with being discouraged myself.  It crept in early last week, and on Tuesday, I felt truly down.  Monday had been a school holiday (Presidents' Day), and not a particularly bad day.  I substituted Tuesday, and it was one of those days where it just didn't seem like I was needed.  Several teachers had mentioned that it was a slow day, so I didn't take it personally.  However, as the day wore on, I just started to get down.  In any job, there are difficulties.  There are unique aspects of substitute teaching that are enjoyable, and some that are not so enjoyable.  For myself, flexibility doesn't come naturally.  It is something that I have to work at.  I suppose that on Tuesday I was feeling the strong desire for permanence and stability.  I just wanted to feel that sense of knowing where I belong.  At any rate, I prayed.  I asked the Lord to encourage me, and He did.

The next day I subbed in a class for children with severe mental retardation.   Somehow, it was just what I needed.  I enjoyed the challenge of meeting the special needs of the children.  I really enjoyed the structure of the class and the ladies that I worked with.  It was an interesting--and exhausting--day.  Before I realized it, my heart was lifted!  I thanked God for encouraging me. 

How does this tie in with casting bread upon the waters?  Well, as it turned out, a dear Christian friend of mine had recommended me to the lead teacher of the special needs class.  This dear friend, Susan, has been a source of encouragement to me as I have been subbing.  She has subbed in our district for the last few years.  I am so happy to know her, and to have her friendship.  Susan cast out bread, and I received it.  So, I cast some out, as well.  I wrote to the school administrator to mention how great the teachers in the special needs class are.  It takes a lot of creativity and patience to instruct children with significant challenges.  These ladies work hard every day.  So many people are quick to complain, but how many are quick to compliment?  Make it a point to give compliments to others who deserve them.  When we give encouragement, it will come back to you when you need it most.

If you live in Texas, tomorrow will be TAKS testing day for many of our students.  Be sure and encourage the students and teachers who are testing.  With the statewide concern about the budget and with the funding for our schools being so precarious, teachers can use all the encouragement that they can get.  And for those of us desiring to work in education, well, let's just say that it's a time of uncertainty.  In my teacher certification class, I see the anxiety on my fellow classmates' faces.  I try to encourage my new friends as best I can.  I think that the best thing for all of us to do is pray.

Many blessings,

Jennifer

(Pre) Spring Clean-up

One of the great things about living in Texas is that we have long growing seasons here.  Some bemoan the lack of "four seasons", but I like that we can spend so much time in the garden and this translates to a productive harvest.  We have had several nice days in a row, so I took advantage of the weather and did quite a lot of clean-up out back.  We have a nice-sized back yard for the 'burbs. 

As you can see from the photo above, the yard is beginning to show patches of green.  Unfortunately, this is mostly weeds, so we have some work to do on getting the lawn into shape.  I prefer to use organic products, which require more work, and Brian prefers the synthetic fertilizer products.  We'll see what happens this year.  The tree to the right of the trampoline (which needs a new net) is a peach tree.  I have three in my yard, and my yield this past summer was excellent.  I had lots of sweet, softball-sized peaches to share with friends and to make peach ice cream with.  I had several friends ask about making peach preserves, so I think I will try my hand at it this year.  I'll have to get my mom to come over to help.  Brian and I really enjoyed the peaches last year, and we look forward to another good crop.  (I looked up the varieties that grow best in our region of North Texas at Texas A & M's horticultural website, prior to planting and ordered three of the most highly rated varieties.).  You can see that we have a pretty long 'to do' list for our yard.  The glider swing needs new cushions and a new canopy, so I will work on that in a few weeks when I am done with night classes.  I disposed of the old canopy yesterday and had to dispose of the cushions, as well.  Our dog, Blizzard, had taken to dragging the batting from inside the cushion out into the yard.  I had a lot of that to pick up yesterday.

I also took inventory of my blackberry vines:

I planted five vines about three years ago, and four survived.  Last fall, I noticed that the vines did not look healthy.  I think that they fell victim to a virus.  They seem to be coming back ok, but I'll be putting out lots of compost this coming weekend to bolster the soil and fertilize the vines.  The kids adore the blackberries, so I've got to do what I can to get them healthy.  I cut them back pretty hard last fall, when I noticed the problem, and cleaned up the area of diseased leaves and canes.

I intended to build a raised vegetable bed last year, but never got around to it. I think that we'll do that in the next couple of weekends.  The bed close to the blackberries had been my vegetable garden, but I planted a peach tree here and the area doesn't get enough sun to grow herbs and vegetables sufficiently.

While I worked, Jesse and Lily enjoyed their sandbox:

Taking pictures of the yard enables me to assess the needs of the landscape.  Frankly, we didn't do a whole lot to the exterior of the house last year, and you really have to stay on top of things before problems get out of hand. 

Looking at this shot, obviously I can see that we need to stain the deck and area around the hot tub.  The lawn needs work, as I've said before.  Brian wants to add a canvas material to the pergola so that we can use it more in rainy/hot weather.  If I had my d'ruthers, I'd take out the wooden deck and put a stone deck in.  I would like to add some type of curtains to the pergola to give it a more substantial, 'outdoor room' type of look.  The budget dictates what we'll do, though.  For now, first things first.  We've got to get a net around that trampoline!

At the end of the day, I sat down and watched the sunset.  The kids played happily outside, and I was content that I had made a good start.  I looked up at the willow tree and noticed that it is beginning to bud.  Soon, spring will be here.  Most likely, we'll have a few more cold days, and perhaps, a freeze.  For now, I'm grateful for the opportunity to spend some time in the beautiful outdoors.

Many blessings,

Jennifer

Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope that your day has been filled with blessings and joy.  We began our celebration on Saturday night.  Brian and Lily participated in the Daddy-Daughter banquet at church.  I bought Lily a beautiful pink dress and sparkly shoes, and we fixed her hair up in curls. 

Brian bought her a pretty heart-shaped locket to remember the occasion:

Lily was so excited to go to the banquet with her daddy.   

They played games and had a lovely dinner.  Lily took pictures of her friends and the daddies at the party.  They came home with stories to tell and Lily had some lovely pictures to share.

As for me, well, I discovered that Valentine's Day means two different things to guys and girls.  Lily had big plans for her Valentine's celebration.  She made a list and everything!  I had big plans to take the boys out for dinner and a movie while Brian and Lily went out to the banquet.  We headed out to find a restaurant, but the boys just wanted to go to a fast food place.  No, no, that would not do.  I wanted to go to a place and sit down and have a nice meal.  So did everyone else in town!  The boys were hungry and just wanted to eat.  They didn't want to try the interesting-looking Szechuan place.  They said absolutely not to the fried chicken restaurant.  We ended up going to Subway and they got sandwiches.  I have to admit that I was disappointed that we didn't eat someplace nicer, but they were happy.  We had trouble finding a parking spot at the movie theater, and when we finally got up to the ticket window, the movie was sold out!  We headed to another theater, and on the way, Jesse said in a very small voice, "Mom, can we just go home?  I'm tired." 

So, we rented movies and went home.  Jacob was thrilled.  Matthew was disappointed that he didn't get to see the movie we'd planned to see.  Jesse was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.  To my guys, 'going out' was about eating and being entertained.  Where that took place didn't matter.  I was the one who wanted to make our evening out a big deal. 

Tonight, we had a nice dinner at home.  Brian grilled steaks and I made the sides.  The older boys prepared chocolate fondue for dessert, and we had a lot of fun dipping strawberries, pound cake, marshmallows, and raspberries.  Jesse must've eaten about five dipped chocolate chip cookies. We used our fine china and crystal.  We ate the fondue on my pretty dessert plates.  We lit candles and used linen napkins.  I wanted a big celebration, and I got it.  Even the boys enjoyed it.  They really got into the spirit of the occasion and helped Brian and I out a lot.  Jesse got his belly full and went to bed shortly after dinner was over, just after he'd taken a shower.  Poor little guy; he just can't stay up late!  At any rate, Valentine's Day was a success. I hope that yours was, as well.

Many blessings,

Jennifer

Valentine's Tablescape...Complete!

Welcome back!

The ice and snow have melted--again--here in North Texas, and the kids are back in school--again.  My youngest son, Jesse, is over the flu, and I am back to the (sort of) normal life that I've become accustomed to lately.  I took advantage of being stuck in the house yesterday to complete my Valentine's Day decorations.  I took the advice of some of my new blog friends and added a table runner and candles to my tablescape in the dining room.  I could not find anything to put into my punch bowl that pleased me, so I went searching in my daughter's room and found this:

I like the delicate rosebuds juxtaposed with the crystal of my antique punch bowl.  I wanted to do something red in the punch bowl, but I think the pink brings together the dessert plates and the table runner.

Here's a full view of the table:

And another shot:

I plan to serve my family's Valentine's supper here in this room.  Like most families, we don't often use our formal dining room, but I like to take advantage of special occasions and do something nice for them. 

My husband, Brian, and our daughter, Lily, are going to the Father-Daughter Valentine's banquet at church on Saturday evening.  Brian has been looking forward to this for over five years, since we found out we were having a girl.  If there was ever a man more excited about having a daughter than my husband, I haven't met him.  Actually, after having three sons, we were ALL excited to have a Lily! :)  I'll post pictures of Brian and Lily when the time comes.  I bought her a pretty new dress and we've made plans about how we'll do her hair.  I still need to get "sparkly" new shoes, Lily says.

Thanks for stopping by!

Many blessings,

Jennifer

P.S.  I'm participating in Susan's Tablescape Thursday.  Come on over and see other pretty tablescapes.